Growing Up in a Home That Slowly Fell Apart
I grew up in an old HDB 3‑room flat in Ang Mo Kio with my parents and my elder brother. Back in the 80s, when we were kids, the house was still okay. Simple, neat, nothing fancy — but it felt like a home.
As the years went by, things changed. The clutter started building up. Items piled on top of items. Corners became storage spaces. And slowly, the whole place turned messy and untidy.
My brother never really did household chores. If he did, it was once in a blue moon. I was usually the one trying to tidy things — sometimes out of responsibility, sometimes out of frustration. Of course, I had my lazy moments too. But compared to him, I’ve always preferred a neat, orderly environment.
We used to quarrel a lot about this. He even told me straight in the face that he was perfectly fine living in a cluttered, messy home. And that was that — he didn’t see a problem, so nothing changed.
Leaving the Nest and Seeing the Difference
Eventually, I moved out and got my own small 38sqm flat. It’s tiny, but I cherish it. I keep it neat and tidy. Sure, clutter still appears here and there — that’s normal — but I clear it regularly.
Compared to my parents’ home, the difference is night and day.
And after years of trying to reason with my brother, I’ve given up. There’s no point arguing with someone who doesn’t see the issue.
The Pain of Watching My Parents Live Like This
What hurts me most isn’t the mess itself — it’s how it affects my parents.
My mother loves that old AMK flat. My father too. They’ve lived there for decades. It’s their home, their memories, their comfort.
But the clutter… it’s not good for them.
My father has had two strokes. My mother’s health is declining. Her mental state isn’t great either — she gets suspicious easily, thinks people are not good to her. And I can’t help wondering how much of this is influenced by the environment they’re living in.
I’ve studied feng shui for years. I genuinely believe that a messy, stagnant home affects a person’s qi, especially in old age. At 76 and 81, they should be living peacefully, comfortably, in a clean space that supports their health.
If they’re going to spend their final years in that home, the least we can do as children is make the place neat and tidy for them. Let them live their last days in comfort, not chaos.
But my brother… he doesn’t do any of this. And that’s where the resentment comes in. Not because I want to fight with him, but because I feel helpless watching my parents suffer in an environment that could be improved — if only he cared.
Even the Deities Don’t Feel at Home
My parents have altars at home — Kuan Yin, Guan Di, and Tu Di Gong. I grew up with these deities. I respect them deeply.
But sometimes I look at the altar and my parents home, surrounded by clutter, dust, random items… and I wonder:
Would the deities feel comfortable here?
If you invite divine beings into your home, shouldn’t the space be clean, tidy, respectful?
Sometimes I even feel like there’s no deity presence at all. Like the good energy has faded. Like the clutter has pushed away blessings and attracted something else — something heavy, something negative.
I’m not trying to be dramatic. But anyone who believes in feng shui or spiritual energy will understand what I mean.
My Brother’s Decline
Legally, my brother is just a tenant in my parents’ home. He’s not the owner. He’s not responsible for the place. But he behaves like he is — except without the responsibility.
He doesn’t clean. He doesn’t tidy. He doesn’t maintain anything.
His career has also gone downhill. He used to work in cyber security — a proper corporate job. But he said the stress was too much, and he was working odd hours, sometimes until 3, 4, 5am.
Now he’s working part‑time as a security officer. He’s always rushing. Always anxious. Always cooking and packing his own food, leaving the kitchen oily and sticky.
He collects unwanted water — from washing vegetables, washing dishes, even the washing machine discharge — to “save money” by using it to flush the toilet. But the water smells. It’s unhygienic. And from a feng shui perspective, foul smells create negative energy.
My mother even hurt her back once carrying one of those heavy pails. She also tripped over an exercise mat he left lying around.
And honestly… I don’t think it’s a coincidence that his life is stuck.
Environment shapes mindset. Mindset shapes behaviour. Behaviour shapes destiny.
If you live in chaos long enough, chaos becomes normal. And when chaos becomes normal, progress becomes impossible.
The Shame That No One Talks About
My father is the eldest among his siblings. But when I visit my relatives’ homes during Chinese New Year or Christmas, their homes are neat, tidy, and welcoming.
And then I look at my parents’ home — clutter everywhere, things stacked on top of things, no space to breathe — and I feel a quiet shame.
Not because I’m judging them. But because I know my father must feel it too. Being the eldest, yet having the most cluttered home… it’s painful.
It’s not about money. Many of my relatives aren’t rich. But they take pride in their space. They maintain order.
Our home, on the other hand, feels like it’s collapsing under the weight of years of neglect.
Why I’m Sharing This
I’m not writing this to attack my brother or blame my parents. I’m writing this because I’ve seen firsthand how a messy home can slowly destroy a family’s energy, health, and future.
A messy home isn’t just messy. It affects:
mental clarity
emotional stability
discipline
luck
relationships
health
career
self-worth
I’ve lived through it. I’ve seen how it shaped my parents. I’ve seen how it trapped my brother. And I’ve seen how my own life changed the moment I moved into a small but tidy flat.
A clean home doesn’t guarantee success. But a messy home almost guarantees struggle.
If You’re Living in a Messy Home Right Now
I’m not telling you to become perfect. I’m not telling you to throw everything away.
I’m just saying: Your environment matters more than you think.
Even one small change can shift the energy of your home. And when the energy shifts, your life shifts.
One small change at a time.
