As a fitness trainer with experience in sports massage and rehab, I’ve always stressed how important it is to focus on safety. The goal of any workout should be to have a healthy body, not just to look good or perform better. From my sports massage work, I’ve seen so many people push themselves too hard during workouts. They train intensely, sometimes beyond what their body can handle, and this leads to muscle tension and painful knots in certain areas.
I’ve even written several fitness blogs warning about the dangers of working out just for looks, without caring about improving your health.
But recently, I’ve found myself going down a path I used to advise against. I’ve been dealing with depression for the past few weeks, and as I struggled with it, I ended up doing something I never thought I would. Normally, I focus on bodyweight exercises and keep my training simple. I avoid pushing myself too hard and always remind myself that exercise is for health, not just for building muscle or looking good. But this time, I switched things up and started using gym machines, like the lat pulldown, cable machines, angled leg press, hip thrusts, and shoulder press dumbbells.
I also tried something I usually warn people about: training to failure. That means pushing myself until I can't do another rep, even if it means struggling with partial reps—tiny movements when I can't complete a full range of motion. The intensity of these workouts left me breathing heavily and making grunting sounds I usually find annoying in the gym. The soreness the next day was brutal too. I’d wake up feeling sore all over, especially in the muscles I’d worked hard the day before.
Honestly, I know this kind of training isn’t good for the body. But there’s something about pushing myself to the limit that feels really rewarding. When I hit that last, almost impossible rep, there’s this feeling of accomplishment that washes away all the negative emotions and depression I’ve been carrying. I’ve started to crave that “high” from intense workouts, and I now want to push myself as hard as I can every time. I even feel disappointed if I don’t feel sore the next day—it feels like the workout wasn’t worth it.
In a strange way, this intense level of training also makes me feel more resilient. As I battle through those heavy, intense lifts, I remind myself that this is about building strength, not just in my muscles but in my mind. It’s almost like the pain of the workout is a reminder to stay strong and keep going, no matter how tough things get.
The intensity of my training has become more than just a way to deal with depression—it’s also a way to fight back against my current jobless situation. Every heavy lift and every moment of struggle in the gym feels like a battle I have to win. I’m telling myself that I can’t give up, just like I can't give up on finding a way out of my current circumstances.
I’ve also realized that I’m no longer training to stay healthy. I’m not focused on fitness or improving my body anymore. Instead, my workouts have become a way to feel that “high” and to fight my depression. It’s no longer about health—it’s about the emotional relief I get from pushing myself beyond my limits.
For the first time, I felt like I had a great workout, and I’ve stopped following my usual minimalist approach. Now, I’m spending at least an hour in the gym, giving it my all.
This new, intense way of training could be a good way to help me deal with my depression—or even help others who struggle with it.
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