At 48, I’m finally experiencing what many call a "mid-life crisis." But to be honest, this isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way.
Unemployment. Discrimination at work (working part-time). Lying to my family about still having a job when, in reality, I don’t. Watching my savings dwindle with no clear plan in sight. It feels like too much to handle, all at once.
One thing that keeps me going, though, is knowing I’m not one of those who would end my own life. Or, at least, I don’t think I have the courage to take that step. But, to be frank, some days it feels like I’m running on empty.
A major consequence of what I’m going through is withdrawal. Withdrawal from everyone.
I've left some chat groups, both on WhatsApp and with old friends. Even groups from my polytechnic days. It dawned on me that I feel a lot of pressure to be around others when I’m not in a mentally healthy place.
There’s this gap I can’t shake—the gap between me and my friends, many of whom seem to be doing well in their careers, earning $5k, $6k a month, or even more. I’ve heard of one friend making around $10k. Meanwhile, I used to earn an average of $2k+, and now I’m scraping by with just a few hundred.
And when people notice I’m not myself and ask if I’m okay, I always reply with “I’m fine.” But the truth is, I’m not.
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